I'm feeling tonnes better than I did the last time I posted. Not entirely sure why - After i'd written that huge moan moan moan the other day I went to bed feeling awful, All achy and ill - like when i had the flu a few years ago but shorter...

I got really hot and feverish, mind started running to all places and i eventually had to get out of my bed to head for the empty one next door. I woke up at 8am as dazed and confused as before - feeling totally shite. I was however nursed back to health by the mr xtraspecial. Kisses and cut up kiwi's should be on prescription they're that effective.

I was still a little shaky but By about 3pm I was ok - I think it was just one of those slightly prolonged 24hr bugs that's supposedly going around.

ANYway, I got a text from an old friend saying he was in London for the Evening and would I like to meet him for a drink. I started to perk at the prospect of this for whenever he and I drink together it's always a rip-roaring occasion. I met Ben and Paul in central for what I thought was going to be a few drinks. along with me I brought my friend sheena, we were drinking at this hilariously gash bar before getting slammed on vodka's and being racially abused by ben. We then - explaination unknown or unmentioned to myself - moved onto G-A-Y. before falling out of there at about 3.30 on a tuesday morning had drank so much it was almost shameful. One of the funniest nights I've had in a while.

I enjoyed the atmosphere of G-A-Y, it reminded me of all the fun times I'd had out in the village the year before and instead of making me sad when I looked back. I was happy because I know that there's going to be good times like that again in the future. dancing to ridiculous songs that you'd have to be completely trashed to even be able to bear listening to let alone dance along to...

I Hope muchly that this year is on it's take off.

Tags: non manic depressive
Current Location: still Shooting
Current Mood: busy
Current Music: Imogen Heap - Hide and Seek

it's wierd how your physical state can be at a complete contrast to your mental state... ATM I think i'm feeling a post xmas rot in my brain (not that xmas was a particularly enjoyable time at all in fact but still). I've been back in Tooting a week, I came back all happy and full of viguor - I missed a certain someone so much over xmas it was unreal. I never thought I was capable of feeling like that, it's just never been me before.

But now a week in, a deadline looming and I feel like running away screaming at the top of my lungs (if I had the fucking motivation to do it). I've decided that not leaving the flat for days at a time is rather shite for ones wellbeing, however when i want to escape to somewhere I feel would make me happier it's hindered by the fact I can't face the trip to the Tube Station. I need to fall in love with life again... I don't know what is wrong with me.

When the new year started it was rather symbolic. NYE hit me like a tonne of bricks, it snuck up on me - i'd been too busy with my job to appreciate xmas (which makes me fucked off as it is) and i didn't really pick up on the fact that a potential new start was looming in the form of the 1st of january. I spent NYE with some of the people i've met since october, they mean alot to me in different ways. I learn from them, some more than others. As the bells tolled to signal the entrance of the new year I found myself looking to the entrance of where i'd just come from waiting for Stan to emerge from his full search by security on the way into the club. This year it seems Everything is just that little bit delayed, i'm looking back on what makes me happy rather than looking to the future to make more of what I already have. I hope it gets better.

I think I need a direction in my life. I don't know. I'm not motivated by anything I study - currently this entry stands longer than the essay i've been trying to write for what seems like an age on a topic i couldn't actually care less about. I don't know if i've picked the wrong thing again or not. I can't trust my own judgements anymore.

October started off so well but I can't find anything else to blame for this fuckupinmyhead on but myself. and I don't know how to fix things.

I miss people and I want more than anything to see them. But a part of me wants to shy away for fear of bringing them down with this foul mood i seem to have gotten myself into. I crave to be in a place I can call home but I've forgotten where that is.

I have someone who loves me for who i am atm but I hate myself for the fact that I'm fucking awful and I could hurt him with the way i'm feeling which makes me feel worse. It's a vicious circle.

I'm fatter than last week too.

Tags: meh
Current Location: shooting, sw17
Current Mood: depressed
Current Music: faint murmur of whatever is coming through the wall from stans room

have been a scary surreal blur to be quite honest. I've learned a few things.

1) I love grilled Haloumi cheese, ambala's halwa habshi and greek yoghurt with honey.

2) Finding Drum & Base was equivalent to finding religion, however Turnmills, mandi and dirty arse electro-house was a combination equivilent to pure ecstacy (how apt hahaha)

3) I like the free cinema just off leicester square, primrose hill, long and pointless walks around central, wagamama's, that ice cream place and the 24hr cafe.


I've also learned alot more things that mean more to me in the wider sense of things (yes shock fucking horror there is more to my life than food and music)...

I like hearing stories of peoples experiences, I like learning about different cultures, I like Psychology (the one tiny element of my degree that keeps me sane hehe). I like to people-watch. not in a creepy, stare-y way... in a way that can help you learn alot about the human race and the human condition. I like people. One in particular...

I've found someone who grounds me, calms me down and can stop me hurting. And even if or more likely, when (inevitably as it is with me) I fuck things up i'm sure i'll still always be greatful to the powers that be for his presence in my life.

I've learned that I like to try and make a difference - a certain sibling of a close friend of mine who reminds me of a younger Jadus made me realise this.

I've learnt that being 200miles from your closest friends can strain things a little. If only with frustration at the fact that you can't hold them when they're feeling rather shitty.

And through all this - I've actually found a place that feels truely like home.

Righty ho - so. Today I went to Tooting to see where I'm going to be spending the next three years (at least) of my life. I've been longing to do a trip out of Flinshite since I came back from Alcudia but i've not really had the opportunity.

Got the train at about 8ish from chester which got me into london for 20 to eleven, straight to the northern line which took me uneventfully to Kennington AKA the creepiest station in the underground network. It was deathly silent for 10 whole minutes (rare), old torn posters proclaiming a "painfully funny new series of Green Wing" kind of added to the whole am-i-stuck-in-a-fucking-time-warp feeling but hey ho all was good when I finally left there. Trouble is I'm expected to be spending a rather significant ammount of time down Kennington way due to a friend of mine moving there.... CRRRRREEEEPY shit. Radiohead doesn't cover it.

So off I popped to Tooting Broadway into the hustling bosom of my potential new home. Few silk cut later and I turned up at SGUL pleading Blondeness as my condition rather than "I couldn't be arsed reading the e-mail" and soon found how I was supposed to get to the Darling St Georges grove.

However...

Me being me got on the wrong way of the bus service so instead of being Wimbledon bound I ended up Croyden bound. Not a good thing my friend, not a good thing at all...

BLAH blah blaaaah, an hour later and I was the 15mins walk from my original destination arriving to the halls aka building site via a council estate which resembles the Chatsworth estate of Shameless fame. I think I'm going to like it here.

I was shown round (being one of only a few students I saw going Stag) by a jamaican sercurity guard to the old halls... I heard echoing Home Counties tones seemingly screaming "Ugh - oh no, this simply WILL NOT do!". Thinking to myself oh shit what have I let myself in for I was shown around The Grove.

I loved it!

It was shit but funny in the same way Jadus' flat was shit but funny without the bee's in the light fitting and with a bathroom the size of one of her shower cubicles. I felt at home there. A feeling which has been rather scarce in my emotional range of late.

The new halls we weren't allowed to see on account of it being a building site - quite literally. We were given a presentation and the usual bollocks though. Some lady piped up about the cleaning of the flats. I was flabberghasted at the fact our kitchens will be cleaned for us on a daily basis... WHY?!?! I didn't get it. It's something I actually feel quite awkward about, I don't think anyone should have to clean up my mess. Turns out they clean everything that isn't in the confines of your actual room (which includes an en-suite). So anyways some bint asks "So who will be cleaning my daughters toilet and bathroom - surely you don't expect her to do it herself?". Well actually fucking YES! This type of stuff gets my back up and I'm not yet educated enough to express why in a fully eloquent form I don't think. Well not without it sounding like an article out of The Daily (hate) Mail...

45 days until I leave my pointless job which I abbor and tend to entertain myself by coming up with new and inventive ways to piss off my boss. and 8 weeks to the day until I finally up sticks and fuck off for good.

Just realised I've not posted my muse pics yet.... More to come maybe.
As well as a rant on "Nu Rave".

Current Location: room
Current Mood: confused
Current Music: the sound of cath and Kim

OUT. Yes this weekend was fucking STATELY! I just wanted to say that before I come up with my Uber (Supermassive - sorry, i had to) post. complete with pics. From the front row!

I'm off to check for internal bleeding.

Tags: biffy clyro, gigs, injuries, mcr, muse, shy child
Current Location: room
Current Mood: thankful
Current Music: MCR - I don't love you

had a MASSIVE epiphany. It was so fucking wierd, you know random 3am thoughts where you think you know everything. I had one of those sessions last night. I wasn't even on anything!?

I feela bit mixed up though but inwardly sorted if that makes sense.
I will post the epiphany timely. When it can all make grammatical sense.

- Bhangra man. Possibly the best thing to come along Oxford Road in a Bentley Continental... You know how you see old guys driving around in bentley's like they have the weight of the world on their suited shoulders, well. Not Bhangra man. He was a jolly soul who at around 11.45am last saturday decided to have a mini rave in his bentley and turban to the delights of Panjhabi Bhangra, He had one had off the wheel and was proper going for it. LOVE him!

- Mini rusholme riots, what better way to enjoy a cheap as arse curry then with a complimentary show of local gang warfare.

- The drag queens in Hollywood Studio, Wynnie la Freak (no wynne didn't dress up), CHardonnay - who apparently had violated spencer on many an occasion, possibly hornier than a testo-ed deer on E.

- The people riding bins across Whitworth park at 3am sunday morning.

- Discovering Peep Show again, How I fucking love this show. I really want to go and get the box set... someone make an attempt to stop me!

- Free entry to a lap dancing club, free drinks in said lounge and the offer of a free nude lap dance (we donated it to the very worthy charity of Dirty-Old-Man-Sitting-At-Bar

- Finding this long lost picture on my laptop. More drunken times on spacehoppers must be had (BY ALL!!!)


- Thoughts of the summer. In 5 weeks i'm off to London for the utter SQEEEEEE fest that will be me and wynne rocking up the capital. 1st The Sound of Music (apparently I have to dress up in pretty dress and Heels, woot) then randomness on the saturday. methinks a trip up old camden way is in order. the sunday it is MUSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OMFG I have been waiting for this for the whole of FOREVER, I do hope my tickets come some time soon... In 7 weeks time I'm off to Alcudia (EL CUJO to me and WYnne) with the girlies. Shib is going to be filth I can tell. Bring it on. Apparently we're having a 48 hour sleeze fest t'other side of the Island in darling MAGALUFFFFFF, I never said We were classy. Then in around 8 weeks time i'm off to the spritual home to live in a house (i have yet to see) with the mrs and mrs (and whoever else is staying the summer?!) I need a job too, any suggestions?

so yeah thats just a bit of happiness for my week... I may Complain later,

Current Mood: calm
Current Music: Sigor Ros - Hoppipola

Ooooooo, just sharing.

This week -

- work has been absolutely awful!!! Still we live in hope (of a larger pay packet due to all of the extra hours I've worked) as my nasty, foul, whore "from whore island" manager gone back to the cess-pit that is "Foregate" aka Scotts for a bit this means I may have a bit of an easy life over the next few weeks. Still it does feel as though it has come a bit too late. Wanted to go for a good old weekender Up north but after working a quite frankly punishing 6 day week of bitch shifts on demoralising wages I wasn't in the most raving of moods. So now I have it easy my window of opportunity for Gaying it up down Canal Street has passed. Typical-e

I have found the most sexual of shoes in THE Topshop sale (yes, the capitals were needed). £27 down from £50 (Praise be to DPIB's for student discount), they are the sex! However they are a size SEVEN?!?!?! They do actually fit too. But they look mahoooooosive, I have big feet for a short arse. I blame daddy's DNA.

ALso thanking DPIB's for not only student discount but also for Virgin megastores.

I finally got the last of Muse's albums. As I tend to do with things when I discover them late in their existance I brought the 1st album last/last album 1st and worked backwards (did this when I watched American Pie in the wrong order). I still stick to my humble-ish held opinion that Absolution is their best work. Also found Biffy Clyro's Blackened Sky for £5-er, mint. 57, fucking TUNE!!!! And last but by no means least I finally Invested in Heathers. I will not explain the absolute fucking genius of this film. All I will do is ORDER (yes you heard it bitches *cracks the whip*) you - if you havn't already - to watch this film. Its just, eugh - I won't go all fangirly on your arses. it just rocks ok.

I finally clicked the button on UCAS, got the slip back ect ect ect. So its 100% decided that St Georges, University of London (or amusingly SGUL) is my firm decision for University. It feels good. It hit me the other day that I'm going to be completely on my own in the biggest city in the UK, not one person to be able to fall back on. And for once - this Idea didn't actually scare the living shite out of me. I HAVE to make this work though, there's no going back this time as there is nowhere to go back too. Like alice in Wonderland when the path behind her gets swept away and she's stranded, if the silly bitch had kept on going and not freaked out she wouldn't be stuck. This time I will take my own advice. And that of wynne's, I will also take her food as it will be cheaper and she will be the only one to bring some down to me.

hmmmm, I've written a fair whack now. will piss off and watch Heathers << LIKE YOU SHOULD!!!!

Tags: life, shoes, work
Current Mood: curious
Current Music: Solution Devices - Biffy Clyro

.... and because I enjoy a fucking good challenge.

I know I said I was decided but come on lets face it. We all knew it was coming - I mean, seriously - did you REALLY think I could live in a city full of Scouse people, phffft...

So yes I've changed my mind. As of September 2007 I shall be a student at St Georges.

Its for the best methinks, not even I can get bored and boxed in London. The course is one that I have confidence in myself that I can actually pass. There are good prospects, ok you can say that about Liverpool too but only if you actually pass the fucking course.

So here we are - I hope all of you will come and visit (even though its near Brixton) because I will be too poor to travel home... Please bring food, I will need it. A much as I do enjoy seeing my hipbones on occasions I think when they start to poke strangers this gets abit much.

So if you come I will take you to Officially the longest student bar in the UK, the place with the fabled sweet polish water, cruising on hampstead heath... And I bet you I'll find a Cheeky-Cheeky man faster than you will Jadus - and you live near Moss Side (Shame on thee!).

And just so you know I'll be safe - Tooting may have alot of shootings but Liverpool has more stabbings... Happy mother?

Current Location: Deep in contemplation
Current Mood: nervous
Current Music: I Get Along - The Libertines

Had a massive urge to share - went into Office today, the one place which usually quenches my need for heel, nope... not this time - Four inches???

WTF?? since when can a girl EVER be satisfied by four inches. Ridiculous, absolutely preposterous!

so if anyone knows of anywhere that does 6inch and up cigarette heeled beautiful shoes... Share the wealth!

work were crap, got bruised to fuck by a plastic man. the bus journey home soon made up for it - the most beautiful guy you've EVER seen - strumming away on his guitar. on the number 10 - random.

Current Mood: calm